No Climate Change in Trump’s State of the Union? I Beg to Differ! I’m Seeing Trump in a Whole New Light
First Take: Alternative Facts Are So Liberating, But Be Warned — Satire Ahead
Finally! In the recent State of the Union (SOTU) Mr. Trump said something we both agree on! I’m starting to see Mr. Trump in a whole new light.
With a little creative editing, sorta like with Trump and the Epstein Files, our views now completely align. I just borrowed Mr. Trump’s Sharpie — you know, the one he uses to redraw hurricane forecasts — and made his comments even greater.
You won’t believe how incredibly great, how hugely spectacular, how bigly stupendous, how fantastically orgasmic this never-before seen both new and improved statement truly is. It has so much truthiness in it, it’s beyond truth. Seriously. Very seriously. I mean it.
There just might be something to this “alternative facts” approach to reality. I mean, it can be really powerful, even liberating. Time to wake up! The truth is a prison.
So let’s take this alternative facts Sharpie drawn approach for a spin.
Ok, back to the SOTU. Reports are that Mr. Trump didn’t talk about climate change in his State of the Union speech, the longest in history.
Terribly and profoundly WRONG!
As you can see from the transcript above, the one improved and authorized by me, he most certainly did. Here’s my corrected, new and improved version:
What a difference a president makes. … now we are the hottest country anywhere in the world, the hottest. It’s getting bigger and bigger and stronger [climate change, obviously] . Nobody can believe what they’re watching … because I kept my promise to drill baby drill.
Now in my new and improved version Mr. Trump might have stretched the truth a little when he proudly proclaimed that the US is the hottest country. Ok, so there’s a little poetic license here. No harm, now foul.
The US may not be the hottest, but we certainly must give Mr. Trump credit for making the US — and, hey, the entire globe, come on, now — hotter. And, of course, sexier. And climate change bigger and stronger. Well that just goes along with Mr. Trump’s entire program, making things bigger and stronger. Come on!
But the lying Democrats, the lamestream media, the liberal climate hoax green scam purveyors, never want to give Mr. Trump credit for anything.
Oh, hold it, wait a minute. Seems like they do want to give Mr. Trump credit for making the world hotter and climate bigger and stronger. Hmmm …
But of course all of the lunatics with Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) keep lying about Mr. Trump’s record with, you know, the truth, like how household electricity bills are up 13% since Mr. Trump took office. (Are we supposed to take US Energy and Information Administration’s word for it? Geez.)
And, of course, all these folks with TDS never smile. Stop trying to confuse us with the facts, you non-smilers!
They try to smear Mr. Trump with the truth by pointing out he has done everything he can to cancel clean energy projects that would have made electricity even cheaper.
The result?
173,000 good paying clean energy jobs lost or delayed.
$61 billion in lost or delayed private investment.
354 projects canceled, delayed, or laying off staff.
14 million homes that could have been powered by this lost energy capacity.
They even point out that Mr. Trump’s and the Republican’s “Big Beautiful Bill” removed cheaper, cleaner power sources from our electricity supply while giving corporate welfare tax breaks to the fossil industry.
All these TDS people want to do is make Mr. Trump look bad by smearing him with the truth about his record. It’s sad, really. So sad.
These TDS losers have forgotten the lesson we learned in the 19th Century, that pollution equals progress. Mr. Trump’s war against clean energy and his propping up dying fossils with taxpayer money is simply another way Mr. Trump is taking us backwards so we can Make American Great Again. Why can’t these TDSers see the alternative truth? Why can’t they see how much we’re winning because of Mr. Trump?
Some have seen the light, that Trump is Mister Right. That’s why Mr. Trump was recently the proud recipient of “The Undisputed Champion of Beautiful Clean Coal” award (no joke), to go along with his FIFA Peace Prize and the Nobel Peace Prize medal.
So to Make America Great Again in our Sharpie-drawn alternative-facts Trump World we must Make America Dirty Again. MAGA = MADA. MAGA is absolutely mad for MADA! That’s why Trump’s EPA has weakened air pollution regulations for mercury and other pollutants that harm kids and kill people. That’s why Trump’s Department of Energy — hereafter to be known as Trump’s Dirty Old Energy or TDOE — has forced dirty coal power plants about to retire to stay open, bragging about it in a TDOE Fact Sheet on “Beautiful Clean Coal.”
Winning, so much winning! As Mr. Trump said in his SOTU: “We’re winning so much that we really don’t know what to do about it. People are asking me, please, please, please, Mr. President, we’re winning too much. We can’t take it anymore.”
So for all you TDS sufferers out there, time to get MADA. Time to fall in line with TDOE. Sick of the climate crisis? Sick of hearing yourself whine about pollution? MADA and Sharpie-drawn alternative facts are the cure. So get MADA and feel better. Join MAGA/MADA and revel in all the winning. So much winning we can’t take it anymore.
Once again, as Mr. Trump said in his SOTU, with a creative assist from me — I mean this is so great, it bears repeating — “What a difference a president makes. … now we are the hottest country anywhere in the world, the hottest. It’s getting bigger and bigger and stronger [climate change, obviously] . Nobody can believe what they’re watching … because I kept my promise to drill baby drill.”
Wait a minute …. Reading that again has somehow broken the alternative facts MADA spell! I’m back to sanity! Back to the real truth. Darn. It was so much more fun making sh*t up and lying my ass off.
Now, for all of you TDS sufferers out there like me, especially those driven to TDS by your concern over climate change, misery loves company. So become a part of The Climate Movement so you don’t suffer in silence! Together we can have compassion — which means “to suffer with” — for one another as we deal with our climate-induced TDS. Together we are a climate-induced TDS support group that helps one another admit we are losers when it comes to MADA-winning. Join us!
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